I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
