Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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