oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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