Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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