it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
