Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
porn star boner night. come get it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
