it was like his penis was on wheels.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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