the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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