i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
