I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Boobs are out for the taking
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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