and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
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just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
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A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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