Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
