It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
