he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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