Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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