:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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