I puked a lego.
i barfeds in our rink
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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