The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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