i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
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