the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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