I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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