His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it was like eating out sand paper
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
