guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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