I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
