FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
