there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
