went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
