You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
