Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I know her cup size but not her name....
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
