I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
