According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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