Duck Duck Cougar?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
