i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
