piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
