Texts From Last Night

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  (541): View more from Oregon

  She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.

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  (541): She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it. http://tfl.nu/jrtc
  Replies (12) Good night (572) Bad night (2816)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.

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  (636): I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap. http://tfl.nu/1yuw
  Replies (56) Good night (1126) Bad night (3275)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.

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  (423): it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise. http://tfl.nu/943e
  Replies (25) Good night (7547) Bad night (1056)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Dave a horae rider a coqw boy

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  (414): Dave a horae rider a coqw boy http://tfl.nu/9zpn
  Replies (11) Good night (4150) Bad night (1069)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob

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  (302): Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob http://tfl.nu/818e
  Replies (2) Good night (2602) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.

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  (904): You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award. http://tfl.nu/86ud
  Replies (3) Good night (1372) Bad night (803)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.

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  (360): I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this. http://tfl.nu/abfh
  Replies (2) Good night (615) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.

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  (843): I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard. http://tfl.nu/qfqx
  Replies (15) Good night (1922) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.

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  (720): The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby. http://tfl.nu/rm20
  Replies (3) Good night (972) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.

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  (339): Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning. http://tfl.nu/1tmw
  Replies (0) Good night (348) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS

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  (337): YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS http://tfl.nu/mfo9
  Replies (7) Good night (556) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.

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  (602): I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex. http://tfl.nu/31bt
  Replies (5) Good night (809) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Yup

  (936): View more from Texas

  I love us.

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  (936): Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn? (832): Yup (936): I love us. http://tfl.nu/6mn5
  Replies (2) Good night (754) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French

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  (703): All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French http://tfl.nu/pm1m
  Replies (4) Good night (696) Bad night (267)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed

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  (608): I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed http://tfl.nu/mucx
  Replies (0) Good night (356) Bad night (330)

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