Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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