I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
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and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
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seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.