Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Go christen that room with your naked body.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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