i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.