If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
