You work out of a Hotel?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.