I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dating After Heartbreak
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said