I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
