Just mADE A PArabola og urine
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
