somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
