im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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