can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
