Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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