So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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