we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
