I wish my penis had an off switch
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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