Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
