Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
