I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
