i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
