I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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