I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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