U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
