I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
