I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
