My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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