Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
