I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
