Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
