would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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