I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
