So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
