so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
