time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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