Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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