I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
