How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
