just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
