Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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