I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
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And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
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These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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