gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
