SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
