Michael Bay diarrhea
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
