Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
