My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
