I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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