apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
