so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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